Tuesday4:45am

Awake. Bad cramping. Too much loss to lay down. Been feeling OK since being prayed for Sunday AM but hangin' on by fingernails this minute. *sigh* Final results due today. Hoping to avoid any additional follow-up. A hospital stay at this point would be like salt in a wound.

Monday

Final blood test today. Taking it more for the doctor's sake than anything. He made it clear last week that he wanted to be absolutely sure about what's going on before recommending what to do next. This should bring his confirmation since we're already 99% sure of what's occurring.

9 weeks 5 days - part two

We have reason to believe that the worst option is unfolding. Physically, emotionally, spiritually circling the wagons for the rest of the weekend. The *exact* day as 2002. Not really able to appreciate the irony at this point. *sigh*

9 weeks 5 days

More of the same. No change with the nether regions really. Some stomach pain - don't know if it's muscular (from my ab muscle hernia) or cramps yet.

So I'm physically uncomfortable as well as emotionally exhausted from staying "up" and "on" for the kids. DaHubby sees the cracks in my facade when the Vikings go to bed but some of that facade is for him as well since he had his final presentation last night (he got an A by the way *smile*) and then an interview at the nuke plant 30 min north of here for the third round of his full-ride scholarship/grant interview process.

Emotional exhaustion has made for a blessing of deep sleep but all I seem to want today is a day spent alone in a quiet house.

But, the Vikings are already asking "Mom, what are we doin' today?" so I'm off to play activities director until DaHubby gets home.

Later thought: oh, and did I mention that today is the 6 yr anniversary of losing our first angel? *sigh*

9 weeks 4 days part 2

Well...the appt from you-know-where is over. Fifteen minutes turned into nearly an hour and half in a small room with very expensive equipment (they put me in the ultrasound room - nothing like torturing a poor soul) wth two small children.

My test results are in but are still not giving us a clear picture of what is going on. My hCG Monday was 21,000 units. Yesterday is was 23,000 units. Supposed to be about 40,000 units. That 40K is the "average" gain in pregnancy hormones yet since it is still rising and because our OB practice is proudly and loudly a pro-life Christian practice, they want more information and use some more wait-n-see before determining for sure a final decision about what's going on.

So, more waiting and another blood test on Monday. *sigh*

9 weeks 4 days

Woke up to more bleeding. *sigh*

Yesterday, the OB receptionist and RN's agreed that I need to keep my appt today that was scheduled a month ago for my first physical exam. *sigh* Unfortunately, I'm out of impromptu babysitters for the kids so have to take them with me - so I'm praying for no exam obviously. And, despite not having heard any test results, I'm guessing the worst with this morning's progression.

Appt is at 11am. And, I have several other errands to run including getting DaHubby new dress shoes for his big interview tomorrow! *big proud smile*

I so appreciate everyone's support. Thank you all very much. I'm hoping to be home early this afternoon with some new information.

9 week 3 days

10:43am: Home from OB's office. Completed second set of bloodwork. Neither my OB nor his nurse are in today so I'm guessing tomorrow will be the earliest I'll hear anything.

10:41pm Nothing new to report. Have heard nothing.

Am noticing a trend of spotting red first thing in the AM then brown or nothing the rest of the day.

DaHubby and I have been daydreaming about explanations: what if it was twins and I'm only losing one? What if I'm a week earlier than I thought and THAT'S why no heartbeat visible on u/s Monday (yet at 9 weeks, we saw no heartbeat for Flicka either and she arrived safely)

Told my mom tonight when she observed that I seemed less upset: What's gonna happen will happen. Whatever happens is meant to happen. I have a hubby and 2 babies to take care of. Life goes on in the meantime. And, whether I lose this baby or by God's miraculous hand I go to term, either way it'll be a great testimony to God's power and providence.

9 weeks 2 days part two

Heard from the OB at 9pm. *sigh* No definitive answer...STILL!

My hCG (pregnancy hormone) levels are still fairly high - in the 20,000's of units which according to this site could put me anywhere from 6 to 12 weeks pregnant:

• 6 weeks LMP: 1,080 - 56,500 mIU/ml
• 7 - 8 weeks LMP: 7, 650 - 229,000 mIU/ml
• 9 - 12 weeks LMP: 25,700 - 288,000 mIU/ml

So, the "problem" is this...I've stopped spotting. And, the OB panel taken last week did not take what's called a quantitative hCG. It only checked that I had enough to be considered pregnant but not the exact amount.

Sooo...in I go tomorrow for another hCG blood test to compare with yesterday's counts. According to this source, in about 85% of normal pregnancies the hCG level will double every 48 - 72 hours. So, my counts tomorrow should be around 50,000 units.

Sooooo...if this first test was any indication, I probably won't know until Friday. *eyes rolling*

9 weeks 2 days

Nothing much to tell yet - inconclusive ultrasound. "Doesn't look good" from OB but holding out hope due to his request for more blood work to secure a definitive answer some time today.

Spotting still on again off again - not too much, not too red, not too anything...part of what so frustrating.

The timing just absolutely stinks - same week in the pregnancy and same week on the calendar when we lost our other angel in 2002. *sigh*

Incredibly emotional yet incredibly thankful for what I have.

5:30pm EDT: Still waiting...

9 weeks 1 day

Saturday was the start. Got one larger quantity pink wipe later that night. More brown on Sunday. But, woke up this morning to bright red in greater quantity. This could possibly be it. I'll be calling the OB's office in an hour and see if I can get in today but my heart tells me that it's most likely not going to be good news.

8 weeks 6 days

Was unaware of it til I arrived home but having some light spotting again. Heaviest so far but still pretty minor. Watery. Not enough for a pad. Changing from brown to pink. But no "relations" this time. *sigh* Thinking back over the day- been have PMS type cramps all day.

Will be calling the doc's office if this keeps up tomorrow.